Dismantled failures

When you fail every time you try, what do you do? You cry, you jump onto the bed, bury your face in the pillow, and make it wet with you tears. You promise your self that the next time, you will not fail; You assure yourself again and again, that you will not lose again to the same thing. And when the 'next time' comes, you fail again, between the first and the second try, months or years have passed. Again, you come to the bed, and talk with the air, express your failure, and again make a promise, to make the next try successful.

What if you really don't want to fail, but a few distractions are making you fail. You come to you bed, crying, you express your feelings to the air. The fan hanging from ceiling makes the air answer to your thoughts. You cry, your mouth gets full of whispering sounds of promise, your eyes burst out with tears. You hate the game you play much, you hate the girl you love; Whose thoughts occupy your mind all day long. You hate the guy who comes your house for a chat, for he wastes much of your time. You hate the spoiled friend, whom you helped much during the hard times, wasting your time. But still your failure doesn't transform into success. You clench you teeth for another try, you make everything around you forget about you. You start to hate yourself. You kick the fluffy teddy bear your Mother made for you. You hate the advices they give to you. You ignore the comments others made about you. You make your fist with your hands, hard enough breakthrough steel.

That's how I feel when I return home with failures. And the sorrow provides fuel for the zeal, the zeal to make a future with which I will be able to forget my past.